***edit*** I should mention that on Wednesday of last week, my sister decided that she would get a lawyer and begin a battle with us over Aliviah. Custody battles get so ugly...although I didn't realize so quickly.
I didn't intend to make her choose. When this adoption of Aliviah started I felt like there would never be a reason to make her choose. But, as life began to unfold and it became ever more apparent that she IN FACT had already chosen, and it was become very clear to me that she thought I was doing the wrong thing, I demanded a choice from her. Right or wrong.
That was the choice she had to make. Do you stand up for the daughter that has worked most of her life for the glory of God, or do you make it easy on yourself and make the decision to not stand up and say, "Amy, I think you are doing the right thing and I am so proud of you for it!"
I have been making hard decisions my entire life. In fact, it has been a huge part of life. It wasn't easy for me, when I was 21 years old, to say, "Dad, I think you have made a decision that has cost you your family. I am choosing Mom, and if that means my children do not know you...then so be it." I chose RIGHT.
The decision wasn't for her to abandon my sister because she was WRONG. It wasn't even for her to abandon her AT ALL. For me, it was about standing up for me for once in my life.
Why is it that she is the only one that believes I am wrong?
My heart has been broken this week. I feel like my entire world was stirred around in the tornado along with my house. I have lost every family member I had left ALL because of choice. I guess in the long run, that choice was mine. Make them chose. Even if the end result was not me.
The lump is still in my throat. I can barely breathe or swallow.
But, I did this for Aliviah, because she does not have the ability to chose for herself. I did this for a child who's voice cannot be heard. I did this because I will not allow her to put Aliviah in a situation EVER again that may cost her her life. I did this because I think Aliviah has the potential to be a beautiful, highly successful, Christian woman someday. I did this because I cannot allow my sister to screw that up. I did this because I AM FIGHTING for her when she cannot fight for herself.
Did I make the right choice? I think so. But, right now, I ache on the inside like I haven't ached since I chose NOT to choose my Dad.
My prayer at this moment is for peace.
17 comments:
Amy, We LOVE you and Jason and the kids so much. We are praying for peace right along with you... for you! Sometimes we have to make hard choices, but those hard choices have to be made to stand up for what we believe in and what we know is right. God will give you the strength, peace, and reward you deserve for choosing right and following HIM. You have made so many right choices that you should be very proud of. Sometimes our families let us down... we both know that... and it hurts so deeply. But our "family" is so much bigger than just blood. You and Jason are part of our family as we know we are part of yours. We will stand by you til the end. Aliviah needs you to stand up for her. Hang in there! Love ya :)
We are praying for you and your family right now. Stand proud in the fact that Aliviah is where she needs to be and that someone is willing to be her voice in a time that her voice can't be heard. I'm sorry you are having to go through that. I know how hard it is as a mother to make a decision for a child with another parent in the mix. I know in my heart I did right. That is all you can do. Do right by them. Let me know if you need anything.
Oh Amy, when I read the edit my heart just broke. You are doing what is right though. We will definitely keep you in our prayers, as well as Aliviah. Just stay strong because I know this has to be so tough, but I commend you for who you are and what you're doing for sweet Aliviah.
Amy, you are putting a child first and that is always RIGHT!!!!! Aliviah will LOVE you so much for that one day. Even though things are getting tougher with Heather, don't let it get you down- God is there keep you standing. We ALL know that this is right and she will make a wonderful sister your 4 beautiful children!! PLEASE let me know if I can help in any way and I would love to have lunch sometime to catch up. Ya'll are in our prayers and just know that we love ya'll so much!!!!!!!!!! :)
Hi Amy,
I admit I am a lurker to your blog...and Shelley's, too. I am a friend of Vanessa's....I just had to write. The right decision is not always easy, as you obviously know. When we are old enough to make the right decisions in our life, it sometimes means going against our family...especially when we are holding true to our faith...as you are now. YOU are this little girl's hero! if that means that we lose family in the process...well that hurts...ALOT...but what about the pain of Aliviah and the pain she has been through and would continue to be in were it not for you and your sweet family. Be strong, have faith...you have more friends than you know !!
Oh Amy, my heart is breaking for you guys! I knew it wouldn't be easy, but now it's turning out to be much more difficult than you thought. I'm so sorry for everything you're having to go through, but I know you & Jason are doing the right thing and making good decisions for Aliviah. She is a precious girl, and she has flourished in your home full of Christ-centered love, safety, security, and fun. You guys will continue to be in our prayers (and at church as well). I miss seeing you! Love, Heather Griffin
Amy, This stinks. There is no other way to really say it. BUT... you KNOW what is right for Aliviah. You feel it in your heart and in your gut. Even if this thing goes all the way to the court system, you have to stand up for her. SHE will not forget it, not ever. And, when SHE is old enough to choose, I'm betting I know who she would choose.
We just love you guys. Let us know if we can help you in any way. We will begin praying again right now.
Amy, It breaks my heart for you and Jason to have to go this. But I know that you are doing the right thing. You are so unselfish in your love of Aliviah. She is lucky to have you in here life. God brought you to her to save her. She will be grateful some day. God will bring you strength and reward you for your love for Aliviah. Sometimes our greatest rewards in life are worth fighting for. This one is! I will do anything to help you...I love you girl!
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.
thinking of you and your sweet family... and praying for a peace for all of you... a peace that comes only from knowing that HE is in control of each and every situation and that no matter where she goes or who she is with, HE has Aliviah tucked safely under his wing. You are such an amazing momma, momma horton!
Amy, I'm so sorry you are in this situation and facing such a HARD time yet again!! Our prayers are with you guys, God BLESS and stay strong, and please keep us posted!
love kate
Oh Amy, I know you are doing the right thing... I know it like only a child who was taken out of situation like Aliviah was can know it... it will be difficult, there will be hurt, but in the end, she will look back and be appreciative... I know I am! :) Praying for peace and love and strength!
First, I have to say that you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. I don't know many others who would sacrifice their perfect, peaceful family, for chaos, confusion and hurt. But you did it because you love Aliviah like the Father has asked you to...unconditionally. That is the epitome of TRUE LOVE, and it ALWAYS is the best choice!
I'm reading a book right now and maybe this is why, so I could share a part of it with you. It is called, "So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore," by Jake Colsen. In one chapter, a man, an associate pastor at a church, must choose between lying for his pastor (and keeping his job, the only income the family has), or telling the truth and probably losing his job, his friends, his reputation, etc. He chooses to tell the truth and he loses more than he thought he ever would...his friends, his job, his insurance, his reputation, his place in society, his confidence in God, etc...
Here's a little excerpt I really keyed in on...
"I know it isn't easy right now...These times never are. Just try to remember you're in the middle of the story, not at the end of it."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"God is doing something in you, answering the deepest prayers you've ever prayed. Yes, that process has brought some incredible pain in your life, but he has not abandoned you, [Amy]. Far from it! He's holding on to you today as tightly as he ever has."
"I know it feels like you've lost everything you value the most and in many ways you have. Don't think he's orchestrated these events for some higher purpose. You've been asking to know him as he really is and that will always bring consequences."
"But look at this mess I'm in. I've just tried to do what was right and it hasn't helped me at all."
"But it has in ways you don't know yet. God is setting you free from the things in which you used to find security in the past. They were in the way of God being the Father to you that he knew you wanted and they were false hopes anyway. Losing them is always painful and now you're dealing with more than most right now, but...[HE has not left you...he is standing in the MIDDLE OF THIS HUGE MESS, cheering you on, whispering in your ear, "Thank you, faithful one, Amy, for listening and doing the right thing, what is pleasing in my eyes. I know you are hurting, but run to me and I will wipe your tears away."
I love you, Amy! You and Jason and the whole family will be in my daily prayers. Please let me know how I can specifically pray for you. I will begin for peace for your heart and mind.
KNOW you have so many who's hearts are breaking because yours is...we would do anything for you and your sweet family!
I'm so sorry....
If you ever need an ear I am around the corner or a phone call away. We went througt this with my sister many years ago, it did not go well but God knew what he was doing at the time for us even if we didn't. I am thankful now, but just trust in Him. It is all you can do.Love you guys, & here for you as I see everyone else is too. That support is great.
Praying for your family, Amy...
We love you guys.
I will always love you Amy, no matter what happens.
Hadn't heard this latest news, dang.
I'll keep praying too. Love your family and I've missed seeing them the past couple of weeks.
Trey
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